Dan: 0:00

Bill Farrell is a correctional officer in Boston. He says he's a people person, even though he works in a job where you gotta keep your guard up, you know, because

Bill: 0:11

It's "gahd", Dan. Gahd.

Dan: 0:13

Gahd.

Bill: 0:14

Yeah.

Dan: 0:15

I'm learning Bostonian live.

Bill: 0:16

Do me a favor, Dan. Say "Cah".

Dan: 0:19

"Cah".

Bill: 0:20

Bang a uey at the rotary.

Dan: 0:23

So, like I said, he's a people person, which he says in his line of work, he shouldn't always admit to. Like, when he first interviewed for the job...

Bill: 0:33

So I'm in the interview room and I have superintendents and I have a couple of captains. And at one point, the superintendent said, why do you wanna be a correction officer? And immediately in my head, I said, I'm a people person. I like people. And, obviously, being it's a prison. Right? And, you're not gonna find the the best people in this environment. So I was I almost said that, and then there was that little voice that just shut up. Just shut up. But I am a people person, which is kind of strange, right, in this profession, but it served me well. I'm entering my twentieth year, and I'm just I can have a conversation with you. I can ask you how you're doing. You know, if I can interact with you, if I can communicate with you, hey. Hey. Let's just hold on for a second and let's just take a breather here. What's going on? Talk to me.

Dan: 1:38

I'm Dan Heath, and this is What It's Like to Be. In every episode, we walk in the shoes of someone from a different profession, an FBI special agent, a floral decorator, a speechwriter. We want to know what they do all day at work. Today, we'll ask Bill Farrell what it's like to be a correctional officer. We'll talk about where officers should position themselves when escorting inmates somewhere, what it means to get "frozen", and what happened when an inmate assaulted him, stay with us. Most people picture jail as the place you wait for trial and prison as the place you serve a long sentence. In Massachusetts, short county sentences up to about two and a half years are served in a house of correction. That's where Bill works. The facility holds somewhere between 800 and a thousand inmates on any given day with hundreds of officers on staff. Bill's title is programs officer. Programs meaning the kind of classes and activities available to inmates.

Bill: 2:51

We'll have anger management class. So there might be 20 something women on that list. I will call those units and give the units those individual names, and then they come out to the class. So they come out. They check-in with me. They they usually leave their ID. I check them in. And I'm just there to make sure that there's a lot of the incarcerated individual crossing paths, there's a lot of trauma. There could be "keep separates", two individuals that ended up fighting.

Dan: 3:20

Keep separates. Oh, so you guys kinda keep a list of, like, don't mix these two people.

Bill: 3:24

Well, If two individuals get into a fight, those two can't be housed anymore. I mean, we're in the city, so you might have a group of people from one neighborhood who doesn't get along with a group of people from another neighborhood.

Dan: 3:37

Mhmm.

Bill: 3:38

Right? And so if they were to come into the facility, you can't put those two groups together in a unit because then you're gonna end up having a fight.

Dan: 3:48

Yeah.

Bill: 3:48

So we have a whole department that looks at all those things. Right?

Dan: 3:54

Mhmm. And and when you're escorting people, for instance, back and forth to those classes, what's your vibe like? Like, can you relax because you get to know people or do you always have to be vigilant because you you just never know when things will go south or like, what's going through your your body? Are you stressed or not really?

Bill: 4:15

Everybody everybody's stressed.

Dan: 4:18

Everybody's stressed.

Bill: 4:19

Yeah. I mean, one of the biggest challenges of a correction officer is not to become complacent. The job itself, there's a lot of times where it's just it's not quiet, but I don't know, nothing's happening. You just kind of you're waiting around for something to pop off is what we would say. So pop off. Right? You know, I've been in this facility. I am actually just came into my twentieth year. So we have a lot of people that relapse, come back in. So over the years, you get to know them.

Dan: 4:46

Mhmm.

Bill: 4:47

But anything can pop off at any given moment, and it does. So you always even if you think you're relaxed, you're not necessarily relaxed.

Dan: 4:57

What adds to the stress is that the facility is short staffed, which means added work for officers like Bill.

Bill: 5:04

There's gonna be a lot of times where you're stuck, like just this past week, think they were since Wednesday, I was held over two times.

Dan: 5:12

Held over means, like, basically mandatory overtime because they're short staffed?

Bill: 5:17

Yeah. We call it frozen. You're frozen.

Dan: 5:20

And so if you're frozen, like how long might your total shift be?

Bill: 5:25

Sixteen. Sixteen hours.

Dan: 5:27

Woah. Man, that is a long day. Especially for this kind of work where you have to stay vigilant.

Bill: 5:34

Oh, yeah. All across the country, the world, the profession of corrections is unbelievably traumatic because of the environment that you go into. Think of one person that is being affected by addiction. And with the addiction, there's definitely gonna be trauma or some type of mental health.

Dan: 5:57

Mhmm.

Bill: 5:58

Depression, anxiety, angry. Right? And then add another 24, 25 people in the same boat

Dan: 6:08

Mm.

Bill: 6:09

And then put them in a unit put like two people to a cell, 16 cells.

Dan: 6:15

Oh, man.

Bill: 6:16

And then you throw in an officer and that person say eight to sixteen hours a day has to interact and deal with all these people that have been damaged in some form or another. And what I found over the years is that human beings are created to interact with each other. We're created to be in relationships. And in our profession, I can't have some type of a connection to you because if I was to show any type of emotion or if I was to make myself vulnerable in our eyes, you're gonna get played. So how do you day in and day out enter into an environment and go against that natural instinct to connect with people, it ends up coming at a cost.

Dan: 7:13

Yeah. Give me an example, can you make small talk or is that a bad idea?

Bill: 7:19

Yeah. I mean, I do. I interact with people all the time. So I grew up in the city of Boston and I've had family members, I've had friends, had coworkers when I was in construction coming in and out of our facility, being arrested for, I don't know, maybe drinking, drinking and driving. And so when I entered this job, I always thought that that easily could be me on the other side of the door because we did crazy stuff when we were kids. Right?

Dan: 7:47

Yeah.

Bill: 7:47

Easily could have been arrested. So I I entered into this job. I was older. I was 38 when I started the job. I was very comfortable with who I was. I don't have anything to prove. I had already been probably eighteen years into my sobriety. I quit when I was in the Marine Corps because I was so out of control. I didn't really have much of a choice. It was either keep drinking and probably kill myself, and I do like to live. And so I opted to get clean and sober. And so I had done a lot of work in recovery, so I had probably a little more understanding about addiction and mental health, my own traumas and everything. So when I came in, you know, I was probably in a much better headspace. There was a moment once I got inside that I realized probably one of the most important things that I could do as a correction officer was communication. Right? And I learned very early on. We learn about how to deescalate situations and, you know, that's all part of the training in the academy, but

Dan: 8:48

Well, give me an example. Like, when you say you learned the importance of communication, like, what does that mean to you?

Bill: 8:55

It means if you and I are passing by each other and you're incarcerated, I could say good morning to you.

Dan: 9:03

Mhmm.

Bill: 9:03

I say good morning to people every day. And sometimes I'm shocked that their response is, oh, that CO just said good morning to me.

Dan: 9:12

They're surprised?

Bill: 9:14

They're surprised. Or, know, if I have to pick up some dudes, you know, take them to their detail. We're in an elevator."How you guys doing today?"

Dan: 9:25

And that's unusual for them?

Bill: 9:27

Well, I I mean, I wouldn't say it's unusual for everybody. It's just not something that we do, but, you know, "how are you doing today?""Well, I'm stuck here.""I know.""Tough hit."

Dan: 9:36

Right.

Bill: 9:37

Right?"If it it makes you feel any better..." Sometimes I go, "I'm stuck here, too." you know?

Dan: 9:42

Yeah.

Bill: 9:43

So you just kind of you build a rapport.

Dan: 9:47

Well, it just sounds really to my beginner ears, it sounds really complicated because on one hand, you're a person that loves people and it sounds like you're friendlier and chattier than other officers, and you have to be so careful not to let the boundaries slip, right, because you're not their friends. And you've got that one in a hundred chance that, I mean, someone's gonna turn violent in the moment when you've lowered your guard. So it just sounds maddening to me to be having these, like, human like interactions, but that you really really have to keep black and white.

Bill: 10:25

Yeah. I I've been assaulted.

Dan: 10:29

Mm. What happened?

Bill: 10:29

Uh, I just I popped the door. I was bringing out some dudes for their recreation, so these are bad boys so they have to be shackled. So when I popped the door and opened it, he ran out and he struck me in the chest with both fists.

Dan: 10:49

Oh.

Bill: 10:49

And then he spun off to the side, and then he was trying to find another individual that was already out. And we're trying to get ahold of him, and then he basically started attacking us. And so I was able to just kinda pick him up and put him on the ground.

Dan: 11:07

Wait. So he he like clubs you with his fist and do you go down?

Bill: 11:12

No. I just kinda fell back a little bit.

Dan: 11:14

Okay.

Bill: 11:15

And it took me a second. I'm like, what is he doing? Like it was literally, I'm like, what? So, you know, we we have radios, so we just call these in.

Dan: 11:22

So the response team comes in, they break up the fight, restore order. But it occurred to me that Bill now has to see this guy around who assaulted him. I asked him, what's it like the next time you cross this path?

Bill: 11:36

Yeah. So, I would see him. He sometimes he'd be working in the, chow hall, and I would say, hey. I said, do you remember that time you attacked that senior citizen up on the 8th Floor? And he would go, oh man, come on Farrell. He's like, that wasn't against you and I go, it certainly felt like it was against me. Right?

Dan: 11:59

Your fists were against me.

Bill: 12:01

Your fists were against my chest, maybe he was trying to throw it at the other guy. So I just kind of maybe spun it a little bit like I don't know. I mean, what else am I gonna do?

Dan: 12:14

How often do you feel like your safety is at risk?

Bill: 12:19

I mean, it's a correctional facility so I think every day as I said earlier, complacency, right? That's the number one thing that always ends up getting us one way or another, right? If you're escorting people to and from, you stand behind them.

Dan: 12:34

Okay.

Bill: 12:35

As they walk, you stay behind them. There's a lot of times where unconsciously I'm like, oh, I ended up in the front. And there might be a reason for that because you're going through certain doors that have to be scanned, so I have to step up front. But my training teaches me should, you wait and everybody goes through, then you come behind them. And so it doesn't matter who I'm escorting, whether it's a tiny little old lady because we house men and women or men, whatever. It doesn't matter the size. I always just try to be aware of my surroundings, and I don't care if if I've built a rapport with you because I've been in that unit for the last, I don't know, year or two. You know, here's another here's another story. So I was working a female housing unit. And so I know because I work the female programs, I know pretty much know all those ladies. And I've much have been doing a relief, so I'm in the unit. And so there's two units on the floor directly across from each other.

Dan: 13:35

So Bill sees a female inmate from the other unit come across the hall to his unit, and she's trying to pass something through a door to his unit to a pregnant inmate Bill knows. And he's confused because that door is not supposed to be open and because you absolutely are not supposed to be passing stuff to another inmate.

Bill: 13:55

And I go, what are you doing? Go back to your unit. Don't come over here. You're not supposed to be over here. Right? I go, what are you trying to do? Like, you gonna get everybody in trouble. Right? So I went to go shut the door because I think the door wasn't secured and it should have been secured, and I don't know why it wasn't secured. Maybe when the officer went out to go, the restroom didn't didn't secure the door. But anyways, so I went to go shut the door to the unit. Yeah. And when I stepped up to shut the door, this woman turned and her belly hit my belly.

Dan: 14:31

Mhmm.

Bill: 14:31

And she took a step back. And Dan, I was looking at her eyes and I saw her flip the script. In my head, I went, uh-oh. I think I might be fighting this lady. Like, she literally went, you you just hit my belly. And I went, you just hit my belly. And I took a step back. Now I know her. I know her.

Dan: 14:55

Yeah.

Bill: 14:56

You know? I see her daily.

Dan: 14:59

I just wanna jump in here real quick for a bit of context for what happens next. So on the side, Bill does some stand-up comedy. What that means is

Bill: 15:08

My mind's always going. Like, I really have some funny things that go through my head, I've learned over the years. Some things just you need to shut up on.

Dan: 15:17

Some things need to stay there.

Bill: 15:19

Just keep them right there. Yeah. Literally, it's like one side says, oh, that's really funny. Throw that out right now. And then the other side says, don't even think about it. Just hold on to that one.

Dan: 15:29

Okay. Anyway, that's the context you needed, back to Bill.

Bill: 15:33

Like I said, funny things go through my head. And so this time, I took a step back and I said, if you come at me, I'm fighting both of you. And she said, what do you mean? I said, you and your baby. Said, And that's effed up. And I said, I'm just telling you straight. And when I write the report, I'm writing it as a two on one. And so I'm putting in that report. I felt the baby try to kick me through your belly. So, you don't know where that's gonna go, but in the moment she just said, Farrell, you're effed up. I said, we're all effed up here, and we just kinda kinda walked away separately. Bill: So, you don't know where that's gonna go, but in the moment she just said, Farrell, you're effed up. I said, we're all effed up here, and we just kinda kinda walked away separately. That was just one of those moments. That I mean, that I easily coulda ended up in a brawl with the pregnant woman. Right? Even though I know her and they know me and they in a way they'd like there's a sense of respect because this is how crazy it gets. One of the women told me one time said, Farrell, know why we like you? And I said, why is that? And they said, because you talk to us like we're human beings. I said, you are a human being. Right? The bar is set so low. If you can just talk to someone like they're a human being. Right? Like, I I respect you.

Dan: 16:50

After a quick break, the mental toll of the job. So last December, you may remember we raised a bunch of money for Give Directly. That's the group that distributes cash to very poor people, trusting them to make the best decisions for their families. And GiveDirectly was kind enough to follow-up with a clip from one of the actual people our donations helped. So you're about to hear from a woman in a village in Northern Rwanda.

Clementine: 17:20

My name is Mukeshima Clementine, and I have a family of five, my husband and our three children. Before receiving the transfer, we struggled to get food on a daily basis. After receiving the transfer, we bought two goats worth $136, a pig worth $68, and a cow worth $340. Around that same time, my niece had been expelled from school because she didn't have the means to pay. I had learned about her expulsion a week before. After receiving the transfer, I could not let her stop her studies, so I paid her tuition of $34. My family was so happy and it brought us closer together.

Dan: 18:05

Pretty amazing, right? You guys did that. And now back to the show. Bill said that a while back, his wife was trying to get him to watch a TV show set in a jail, and he was not excited about it.

Bill: 18:29

I mean, I said, no, I live it.

Dan: 18:31

Yeah.

Bill: 18:33

Yeah, no, I'm good.

Dan: 18:34

It's not entertainment for me.

Bill: 18:36

It's not entertainment, it's a reminder of where I have to go tomorrow morning when I get up. I mean, but I can tell you for a fact we are there, like, officers that are in the units that interact that but but we're damaged. We're damaged. Long career in corrections, high divorce rate, suicide. I wanna I wanna say five in my department in the last twenty years.

Dan: 19:05

Oh, you're kidding. That's a lot. Wow.

Bill: 19:08

Well, it's even more if you were to get into the state corrections because those guys, think they have like 4,000 employees.

Dan: 19:16

And why do you think that is?

Bill: 19:18

It's the job. You're witnessing people doing horrible things. Right? And we can't necessarily go, hey, that really bothered me. I mean, that made me upset because now I'm making myself vulnerable. And we don't go home and we don't tell the family.

Dan: 19:38

So you have to you're tempted to just bottle it up.

Bill: 19:40

You bottle it up and and what happens? It bottles and it bottles and it bottles and then boom, it comes out one day. I've literally had to visit offices and mental health breakdowns, drink themselves to death, lose everything, family, house, job. Right? Going to talk to somebody for the longest time wasn't something that we did. You know, if there was something that was really traumatic, usually we just go to the bar with our buddies and drink. And that does not work at all. That only makes things worse. It's tough. It's very tough.

Dan: 20:23

How has this job changed your personal life?

Bill: 20:31

So there was a couple of years where, like, I think my wife just didn't like me. And I think she'd said one one time she was gonna tell me to move out. And I was like, really? Like, where am I gonna go? Like but I was I think I was more shocked to know that she got to a point that she she didn't like me enough that she was gonna ask me to move out.

Dan: 20:59

Because you were bringing stuff home from work?

Bill: 21:02

Yeah. Well, see, I didn't realize I was bringing stuff home from work. I didn't realize that like now keep in mind as I tell you this side of it. When I say I love my job, I love my job. I didn't realize I was affected by my job. And if there's any officers that'll listen to this or any family members of officers that listen to this, they'll know exactly what I'm saying when my wife or my kids would say, why are you talking to me like an inmate? And I would say, I'm not. But then I realized I was. And I I'm not saying like calling them names or anything like that, but our environment like if we tell you what to do, you do it.

Dan: 21:50

Yeah.

Bill: 21:51

There's no if, ands, buts about it. You do it. That does not work at home.

Dan: 21:57

Right.

Bill: 21:57

But you don't even realize that you're doing it. So you just pick up these things and you bring them home with you. If we go out to eat in a restaurant, I have to have my back to the wall. I have to have a visual of the room.

Dan: 22:11

So it's made you more on guard, more cautious.

Bill: 22:15

Yeah. Anywhere you go. I look at people, I'm like, oh, know that person. Where do I know him from? Here's another thing I do, that I didn't realize. So in order for me to go into work, I have to be in the right mindset. Right? So my shift is six to two. I wake up at 03.15AM. I only live maybe 29 minutes from the city.

Dan: 22:38

Mhmm.

Bill: 22:38

And so I wake up at 03.15AM. I do not turn on the lights in the house because I don't I there's no one outside, but I'm not trying to attract attention to the house. Everything is done in the dark.

Dan: 22:50

Wait. You just don't want people to be able to see in, or what do you mean?

Bill: 22:53

Yeah. I I mean, I'm like, I just I get dressed in the dark. Like, I have it it's literally down to a science. I come down the stairs and I look out the front door, and I scan the front yard and the bushes and the sidewalk.

Dan: 23:09

You're scanning the like, for for threats?

Bill: 23:12

Yeah. And there's no threats out there. And so but it's just it this is just kinda what the job does.

Dan: 23:21

Okay. Bill, I have to I have to just jump in because on one hand, you say you love the job, but it it seems like the job is, like, you're around traumatized people and you constantly have to be scanning for threats, and then it bleeds over to your personal life. It interferes with your marriage. Like, help me connect the dots here. Like, why do you love this job that has so many difficult aspects?

Bill: 23:46

So I I maybe I should because I like the bennies, the benefits, the pension, the sick time...

Dan: 23:55

That matters.

Bill: 23:55

At the beginning. All those things matter. And I do believe I think for me, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm supposed to do. Am I affected by the job? Absolutely. Am I impacting people in a positive way? Absolutely.

Dan: 24:15

One example of how Bill makes a positive difference, he runs a program where he brings formerly incarcerated individuals back to talk about their journeys.

Bill: 24:25

So I I've been running this particular program for like ten years now with the women, and I've done it a couple of times with the men, I'm gonna do it with the men. But so think about this, like, so I see you at your worst when you walk through that front door. Right?

Dan: 24:39

Yeah.

Bill: 24:40

Now I get to see you five, six years later. You have a job, you have an apartment, you got your kids back, you're smiling. There's a brightness to you that wasn't there when you walked in. Right? There was a doom and a gloom on your face and now I get to see that individual. Right? So now these ladies that are incarcerated see this individual and they knew you at your worst and now you're coming in and you're smiling. And you're like, you know, my life is still hard. I'm still working through, but this is where I am today. That right there is it's everything. Right? Because you're in an environment where you never see that. And so those little moments keep me plugging away at the work that I'm doing.

Dan: 25:29

Yeah. So it it's it's like it gives you some faith that that it's not hopeless.

Bill: 25:35

Yeah. It's not hopeless. Right? In a very hopeless environment, there is hope.

Dan: 25:41

So Bill, we always end our episodes with a lightning round of questions. Here we go. What's the most insulting thing you could say about a correction officer's work?

Bill: 25:53

Too soft. I would think maybe too soft. Inmate friendly. Fluffy. Oh, be careful, he's fluffy.

Dan: 26:01

Oh, that's a real term that you hear, fluffy.

Bill: 26:03

So yeah. I heard I go, what's that? And they're like, inmate friendly. And I said, he because he helps them? And they're like, yeah. Fluffy.

Dan: 26:16

Fluffy.

Bill: 26:18

So to all fluffy COs out there

Dan: 26:21

You don't wanna be fluffy out there.

Bill: 26:22

Don't be fluffy.

Dan: 26:24

What is a tool specific to your profession that you really like using?

Bill: 26:29

So you have your walkie talkies, you have your keys. Right?

Dan: 26:32

Mhmm.

Bill: 26:32

Walkie talkie, your your radio is very very important because you have to relay things if something happens, a medical emergency, anything, all done by radio.

Dan: 26:42

And what what the radio, is there, like, radio lingo? Like, do you have to start and stop your comms with a certain phrase, or how does it work?

Bill: 26:52

Yeah. So my radio is 1114 and I'll be like, radio 1114, trash run, opening all trash related doors.

Dan: 27:04

Okay. And then all other COs would hear that or is

Bill: 27:08

Everybody that so everybody hears that and then there's a if there's a medical emergency, if there's a fight, there's a separate channel for the response team. Dan: And then all other COs would hear that or is Everybody that so everybody hears that and then there's a if there's a medical emergency, if there's a fight, there's a separate channel for the response team.

Dan: 27:16

Okay.

Bill: 27:19

And so they might say we may have a multi man in unit so and so and then there's a response, all available. There you go. Do you know what that means, Dan?

Dan: 27:30

No. I I assume it means get there quick.

Bill: 27:33

Everybody. Anybody that's free, get there quick because it has just got out of control.

Dan: 27:40

And have you ever heard that?

Bill: 27:41

Oh, yeah. Many times throughout the career. Yeah.

Dan: 27:45

Well, I I was just about to ask you another question that may have the same answer. What phrase or sentence strikes fear in the heart of a correction officer?

Bill: 27:53

You're frozen.

Dan: 27:54

Oh, even but that's worse than all available?

Bill: 27:58

Yeah. Yeah. Do you know the dread that comes every Sunday when I go into work, six to two? I have anxiety. Right? Again, I like my job. I do. I'm telling you. I like my job. I get anxiety because around 10 o'clock in the morning, I'm waiting for them to go. Officer Farrell, Farrell on, landline 22 whatever. You know that extension. You're like, now you call it. Can you be held over? Yeah. Alright. You're number 28. And now you just wait from the time of that call to find out if you're gonna be stuck.

Dan: 28:50

What is a sound specific to your profession that you're likely to hear?

Bill: 28:57

Scuffling sneakers. Do you know what that means?

Dan: 29:01

No. I I thought you just meant literally people's sneaker scuffling. What does it mean?

Bill: 29:06

Yes. Means there's a fight.

Dan: 29:08

Oh.

Bill: 29:09

Scuffling sneakers.

Dan: 29:11

You can immediately tell there's people fighting.

Bill: 29:14

So it's like you've heard people walking on the floor and this sometimes the sneakers will scuffle. Right?

Dan: 29:19

Yeah. Mhmm.

Bill: 29:20

So if I hear scuffling sneakers, there's a fight.

Dan: 29:23

Okay.

Bill: 29:23

And so now I'm looking. So and I'll and I'll I'll give you an example. So I'm working a particular post Sunday morning. This post covers the chapel, the mosque, and the attorney visits. So I have a little booth. I'm sitting in the booth. I hear scuffling sneakers. Immediately, I'm like, oh, they're fighting in the chapel. So I get up and I come out of the booth and I come around and I walk over to the chapel door and now I can feel all the blood coming up into my cheeks. Right?

Dan: 29:52

Mhmm.

Bill: 29:53

Because I just heard scuffling sneakers. And I walk over to the chapel door and I look in and everybody's sitting there during mass quiet. But I can still hear the sneakers. Now I'm looking down the hallway, looking in the other direction. Now I start walking down the hallway because I could still hear them. And as I get to the end of the hallway, the door that leads out into the yard, they're playing basketball.

Dan: 30:18

Okay. So there is an innocent explanation.

Bill: 30:21

And so I I turned around. You know what? This was the moment when I realized I had a physical reaction to the sound of scuffling sneakers.

Dan: 30:31

Oh, man. You can never go in another YMCA again, can you?

Bill: 30:34

Oh, well, yeah. I mean, like, I had a physical reaction. I felt all the blood in my cheeks. Right?

Dan: 30:41

Mm.

Bill: 30:42

And so I know now at this point in my career, I gotta bring my heart rate and everything back, my whole body geared up for a possible fight.

Dan: 30:56

The hypervigilance, the racing pulse, the body bracing for a fight that isn't there, Bill has learned to recognize these reactions and breathe through them. Most people on the outside never see any of it. They see the uniform, rarely the person wearing it.

Bill: 31:16

You know, we might get a bad rap from time to time, and we deserve it, I think, you know, but I I want the audience to know, like, we're we're damaged goods. Right? But, like, the officers that I work with, you know, they're interacting with people all the time and, you know, might be screaming and yelling, but also, you know, like, leaving good luck. Good luck. You can do this. Even in our worst of times, we can still say something that can help someone in in their journey. And I think, you know, we have so many officers that are damaged but still trying to help other people. And that's that aspect of the job that I I think I appreciate more when I look back on my career that that we're still in there and we're still, myself included, we're still trying to make something positive for everybody involved in a very, very traumatic, tough environment to go in and day in and day out.

Dan: 32:26

Bill Farrell is a correctional officer in Massachusetts. Bill is cocreator of a documentary film that explores the physical and mental toll of being a correctional officer. It's called Behind the Wall. We'll have a link to it in the show notes. I gotta admit, this interview threw me. What I kept thinking about was how can you love a job that damages you? Part of the story has to be that the job is a means to an end. Bill's job with overtime comes with a six-figure income. It comes with great benefits, a pension eventually. Those are rare things in this world. It's worth enduring something hard if you can emerge somewhere better. But I don't think it's just that. There are plenty of corporate lawyers who endure jobs they hate because of the money. That didn't seem to be Bill's mindset. What struck me was when he said, I could imagine myself being on the other side of the door. I think that's the key. For him to recognize the humanity of the people in his unit is to be called to treat them with humanity, to say good morning, to respond to a fraught encounter with a joke instead of a baton. And maybe that's the answer to my question. The job does damage him and it also offers him something most jobs can't, the chance to be an example. Someone calm when others might be cruel, someone decent in an environment that punishes decency. In a way, the darkness is the thing that makes the light possible to give. Keeping your guard up while staying human, fighting complacency during the quiet stretches of the day, escorting inmates to classes, getting frozen into another sixteen hour shift, and saying good luck to someone leaving the life you met them in. Folks, that's what it's like to be a correctional officer. A special thanks to Craig Parker for suggesting we talk to Bill and a shout out to recent Apple podcast reviewers. We've got C-crash Peaeye, chisuzhe, yogadork000, and Curious Keowee. This episode was produced by Matt Purdy. I'm Dan Heath. See you next time.